Just yesterday I’ve had kind of a weird dream. I woke up around 8am (university begins in about a month and I have freetime until then) and decided to go back to sleep.
From what I remember, I was in my room and it was all messed up. Even more than it already is. I knew that somebody had been in my room and moved things around. I thought it was my sister because she had been in my room and opened the window while I was on vacation. She moved just a tiny little bit because it was in her way and I realized it.
Since I thought it was my sister who moved things around, I decided to lock my door this night. For some reason I actually felt threatened by her. When closing the door, I was stupid enough to not be able to do it on the first try, but when I eventually managed to lock it, my sister asked me for the key. My room and the bathroom have, for whatever reason, the same lock (which corresponds to reality). She wanted to go to the bathroom. And for whatever reason, she needed my key to do so.I didn’t want to open the door because I knew something was wrong and I proved my point by showing her how my bible was lying underneath things. I never put anything ontop of my bible because it doesn’t feel right. And I don’t know how I showed her stuff ontop of my bible while my room was locked.
After all, I gave her the key (unlocked my door to do so) and she went to the bathroom. Admittedly, she took a slightly unusual way – that is, a stairway down to get to a room that’s level with where we were – and she came back through the actual bathroom door. But I don’t think this matters.
While my door was unlocked, I felt threatened and being exposed to harm. I knew something was wrong but I couldn’t figure out what. I lit a candle and put it on the ground and then a thought struck me – satan is messing with me and thirsting for my life.
My initial thought was to do sort of an exorcistic thing and drive him out of my room, but I feared looking him straight in the eye. Nevertheless, I felt well guarded by the spirit of God. So I was standing in my room, with a candle lit, and no other light source around. I felt the threatening power of satan but also the protection God gave me in this situation.
I stayed in my room, basically constantly hugging God and just leaving satan where he was. Eventually, he would go away.
That’s when I woke up and I was shocked by this dream because it felt so real.
Now on to what I managed to come up with in terms of interpretation…
First off, my sister. I should mention that, when I’m manic, I tend to be a little ‘paranoid’, although that term is not 100% fitting. I like taking photos and looked for opporunities to send them to magazines and stuff so that people can see them. I had a couple tabs of such magazines open in my browser and left the computer with my browser minimized because I had something more important to do. She thought I was done and closed them – when I couldn’t find my tabs anymore I felt a little betrayed and I thought she was trying to hinder me on what I’m doing. Manipulating what I like doing might be a proper description.
Anyway, that’s probably why I suspected her at first. It’s amazing how my fucked up mind makes it into my dreams.
The more important part is my fear, I think. Maybe I can think about a different way of interpreting this part, maybe someone else has another attempt on it, but from what I have reasoned together so far, my fear of satan shows two things.
I think it’s normal to be afraid of bad and evil things that mean no good for you. I think most people wouldn’t want to face this serpent at any point in their lives.
However, in retrospect, this scenario showed me that my faith is still far from what I would like it to be. I was afraid satan could harm or seduce me which is a sign that I doubted God could help me in this situation. To put it in simpler terms – “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” (Matthew 8:26). That’s what I think it means. I grew up with lots of hatred in my heart and I have lost God a long time ago and never really got Him to know. It is easy for a blind man to see for the first time, but it is hard for a man that has been blindened to find the light of his eyes again.
In addition, since I was holding on to the Holy Spirit to protect me whilst satan was around, I got shown that God won’t doubt us even if we doubt Him sometimes. I have been told that God will never give up on me, no matter how tough things are getting (which applies to anybody else, too). I was afraid that satan could harm me if I had had to face him and I was afraid God couldn’t help me, but He was still there to comfort me and gave me this warm feeling of being protected.
I want to be able to face satan without fear and to drive him out of my life once and for all. I know this won’t happen until my faith is stronger than now and ever before. I want to grow in faith because I know that, one day, I will have to face satan’s temptations and I don’t want to see my future self giving in to those.
It’s 11.30pm now and although I’m not really tired, my brain hits CPU limits sooner than it should.
Lots of love, stay strong and stay alive.