Yesterday, I was happy. I was standing at the train station and was annoyed because my train never is on time, but then I told myself that I’m not depressed anymore. You know, like a little school girl stomping her foot on the ground, screaming ‘But I wannaah!’. And I even believed it for the rest of the day. But today, I realized that this was a stupid lie.
My professor in theoretical physics sucks at teaching. She is just standing there, reading what’s on her piece of paper and writing formulas on the board in a way my former maths teacher would strangle her for. Her lessons (of which I have 4 x 90 minutes a week) are even more boring than my former politics teacher’s lessons. Seriously, I can download the lessons’ scripts on the university’s website which makes it unnecessary to go to her lessons at all because those scripts contain everything she’s going to say.
This makes physics look so boring and stupid while the complete opposite actually is the case.
Anyway, I’m rambling. I’ll have to deal with her if I keep it with physics. But I still want to attend a few maths lessons in a month or two, once I’ve gotten used to all this stuff that’s frying my brain right now, and maybe I’m really going to switch subjects. Even if that means to meet new people again, I would be willing to do that for the sake of having a less sucky life.
I would guess that I’m in a grey area between down and neutral mood right now, judging from how I felt the last two days, which actually makes me a little happier. Not having to cope with stupid thoughts is quite helpful when trying to understand stuff. But I’m confident that things will get better, even if it’s only for a short period of time. Every nice moment is a precious one when I’m in my very personal dark cave again.
Stay safe, stay true, stay alive.